Posts Tagged ‘Pamela Jett Motivational Speaker’

Stop Saying ” I’m Sorry” and Start Saying This Instead

by Pamela Jett, CSP

By now, yomedfr17018u’ve likely seen and heard the advice to “stop saying I’m sorry” in numerous blogs, seminars, books, and speeches by experts like myself.  In fact, I’ve even blogged about it myself before (if you want to read that blog click here.)  Many of us habitually say “I’m sorry.” Often for things we have no need to apologize for. It can be a habit. It can diminish our impact and credibility.  And, it can erode our path to success.

Most experts, myself included, will advise you to replace the “I’m sorry” with “I apologize.”  I apologize is more impactful, you are taken more seriously, and it keeps you from offering apologies where none are warranted.  This is a small change that can make a big difference.

There is another equally powerful replacement.  This replacement allows you build the other person up.  To compliment them on their admirable behavior instead of tearing yourself down or making yourself small.  The replacement for “I’m sorry” is to compliment or praise the other person.  For example:thank-you2

  • Instead of “I’m sorry I took so long to clear the meeting room” try “thanks for waiting so patiently as I cleared the room.”
  • Instead of “I’m sorry I was late” try “I appreciate your kindness in waiting for me.”
  • Instead of “I’m sorry to ask for you help” try “your willingness to help means a lot to me.”

Build the other person up.  Praise or thank them for their actions or response instead of tearing yourself down. While there are still plenty of times when an apology is warranted, often the best course of action is to praise the other party.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills and leadership expert who knows that words matter! In her keynote presentations, workshops, books and online learning programs, she moves beyond communication theory into practical strategies that can be implemented immediately to create the kind of leadership, teamwork, and employee engagement results her clients want.

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#1 Way to Deal With Difficult People

Java Printingby Pamela Jett, CSP

Difficult people are everywhere. There are exploders, snipers, steamrollers, and chronic complainers in our personal lives and in our professional lives. While it might be possible in our personal lives to avoid difficult people to a degree, it is virtually impossible to do so at work.

To make things even more challenging, we can’t make a difficult person not be difficult. What is helpful is to understand the #1 reason difficult people are difficult.

Difficult people are difficult because it is working for them.

They are getting some sort of reward or payoff with their difficult behavior. Perhaps it is attention. Perhaps it is a sense of power of control. Perhaps their reward is that they get their way.

While we can’t make them not be difficult, we can train the difficult person that while their difficult behavior might be working with others, it does not work with us. Ask yourself “what is the reward they are seeking?” And, then decide if you are willing to give it. Sometimes it is a simple as deciding not to commiserate with a chronic complainer or to not explode back (or give them control) when an exploder explodes.

For more techniques to deal with difficult people, check out the up-coming webinar “Snipers, Steamrollers, and Chronic Complainers” at JettWebinars.com.

 

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When Name Calling Works: Tips For Better Self-Talk (part 3 of 3)

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Keys for Better Self-Talk During Emotionally Charged Situations

Key#3 (part 3 of 3)

Have you ever tried to calm yourself down in an emotionally charged situation by using self-talk such as “I am calm” or “I am patient?” If so, great job! That means you are using key #1 (desired behavior) and key #2 (present tense.)

child yellingHere is key #3. Call yourself by name! The latest research shows that if you call yourself by name, such as “Pamela, you are calm” Your self-talk is even more effective. Case study after case study shows that superstars in sports, business, and even a Nobel Peace Prize winner (Malala) call themselves by name when trying to stay calm, cool, and collected. Try it!

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Self Talk For Emotional Control (part 2)

Keys for Better Self-Talk During Emotionally Charged Situations

by Pamela Jett

Key #2 (part 2 of 3)

We previously learned that self-talk during emotionally charged situations is more effective if you plant the desired behavior (I am calm) in your mind instead of the undesired behavior (I am not angry.)

i am strongHere is key #2. Make your self-talk in the present tense. For example, instead of saying to yourself “I will be patient,” say, “I am patient.” Even if you don’t feel patient in the moment, tell yourself you are.

Using “present tense” self-talk helps you engage in the desired behavior right at that very moment.

Key #3 coming soon!

For more tools to stay calm, cool, and collected during emotionally charged situations, register for Pamela’s webinar series Conflict and Confrontation: Critical Skills at Jettwebinars.com or by clicking here.

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“You Don’t Understand” – Words to Choose and Words to Lose

jettlogo2Have you ever found yourself in a difficult conversation feeling frustrated? Misunderstood? Devalued? These negative emotions can often lead to communication choices that are counterproductive. For example, have you ever said (or, let’s be candid, maybe even yelled) “you don’t understand” during a difficult conversation? Not surprisingly, this can trigger defensiveness and hostility in others.

Here are a few thoughts about what to say instead. First, check yourself. Are you sure they don’t understand? Might some of your frustration stem from them not agreeing? Sometimes, we accuse people of not understanding or not listening to us when the truth is that they likely understand, but don’t agree.

Next, choose to communicate in a way that accurately expresses what you are feeling in a non-accusatory way such as:

  • “I’m not feeling heard.”
  • “I’m not feeling valued.”
  • “I’m feeling frustrated.”

Or

  • “We see this differently.”
  • “We have different perspectives at play here.”

While none of these options will work in every single difficult conversation, they are alternatives to the accusatory “you don’t understand” and can often move a conversation forward in a less hostile, more productive way.

For more of the words to choose and the words to lose, read Pamela’s book “Communicate to Keep ‘Em” available here.

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Looking for a Speaker in 2015?

 

Get a head start on booking speakers for your 2015 conferences and events.  It’s not to early to starting thinking about how to give leaders and team members alike the communication tools they need to be better leaders, enhance employee engagement, deal with difficult people, and drive results.  Pamela Jett specializes in:

  • Keynotes that are energetic, humorous, and loaded with content that get your meeting off to a positive start and generate tons of “hallway conversations.”
  • Breakout sessions that are interactive and loaded with practical tools to solve real world problems.
  • Training sessions that are tailored to meet your specific needs and challenges.

Here is what a few satisfied clients have to say.

“Your speaker evaluations were off the wall! According to 3,000 attendees, your marks were excellent – probably the best speaker evaluations we have ever had!
–Susan Forrester, Central CA Women’s Conf.

“Our off-site was the very best ever! Your presentation was a large part of the success. You made an effort to understand our group’s unique needs and you tailored a session that was just what I was looking for!”     –Phil Marquis, Ameriprise Financial

“Pamela was absolutely wonderful and well received by all! She started the conference on such a positive note – and a sure way to guarantee its success. As I anticipated, her educational session was standing room only. Speaking personally, the information I took away from both her presentations was worth its weight in gold! And more importantly, her advice and suggestions are realistic.”     –Linda Berkerian, NAACO

To book Pamela or to get more information, contact Aimee at 866.726.5388.

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Leader’s Toolkit for Difficult and Disciplinary Conversations – Webinar

Leaders of every level, from first time supervisors to senior executives, agree that one of their most difficult responsibilities is having disciplinary or difficult conversations. In fact, many leaders often ignore problems and hope that they will go away (and, of course, they rarely do.) Having language patterns and tools to specifically handle these tough conversations is what every leader needs and what this program provides. Loaded with practical communication tools for senior level executives to first-time supervisors and even parents, this webinar will give you practical tools you can put to work immediately and relieve some of the stress associated with disciplinary conversations.

REGISTER HERE

CALL 866.726.5388 FOR GROUP RATE (2 or more)

Get the leadership mindset to make disciplinary conversations easier

  • Learn to differentiate between “can’t do” and “won’t do” issues.
  • Discover why people don’t do what they are supposed to do and how to ignite positive behavior change.
  • Master the art of staying calm during difficult conversations.

Master communication tactics and language patterns to prepare for tough conversations

  • Discover the 4-step process to request behavior change.
  • Learn how to use the “BCA technique” as a template for almost any difficult conversation.
  • Find out why you ought to stop feeding carrots to stick people.

Learn how to manage tense conversations with difficult people

  • Discover what to say/do when tears flow.
  • Learn what never to say during a disciplinary conversation – hint… it’s not what you think.
  • Discover the power of silence.
  • Learn how to keep records and notes so that you can hold people accountable.
  • Master the art of open ended questions to gain cooperation.

When: Thursday, Sept. 11, 2014 at 12:00 pm PST; 1:00 pm MTN; 2:00 pm CST; 3:00 pm EST

REGISTER HERE

CALL 866.726.5388 FOR GROUP RATE (2 or more)

Additional Inclusive Webinar Materials

Participant note-taking guide for use during the event and for reference post event.
Access to regular communication tools and techniques via Pamela’s Words Matter blog.
The complete audio recording of the event.

Who Should Attend

Leaders, Managers, and Supervisors
Project Managers
Team Leads

FAST – Get right down to business with no time wasted.

This is a content-rich experience without fluff or filler.

CONVENIENT – Learn right at your desk.

No expensive travel, no time out of the office, and no time wasted. Can’t make the live webinar? Watch the recording when the time is right for you.

APPLICABLE IMMEDIATELY

This experience will provide time and money saving tools to use immediately.

 AFFORDABLE –

Priced at just $79, this is a fraction of the cost of other high-priced events or seminars. Plus, there is no additional travel expense. Ideal for multiple listeners too!

REGISTER HERE

CALL 866.726.5388 FOR GROUP RATE (2 or more)

What’s Next?

October 16: What Not to Say: A Guide for Keeping Your Foot Out of Your Mouth

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New Webinar – Crucial Conversations: Tools for HR Pros – Aug 27th

Human resource professionals are often tasked with having crucial or difficult conversations. These are the kinds of conversations when the stakes are high and emotions run deep. Wouldn’t it be great if you had tools to make those conversations easier? In this fast-paced,skill-building webinar you will discover communication skills to make every conversation easier, less stressful, and more productive – even with difficult people!

When?  Wednesday August 27th, noon PT (Remember, you get a full recording if this time doesn’t work for you.)

Register now here!

For Groups of two or more, register now here!

Get off to the right start – every time

  • Leverage the secret the most productive HR pros use – scripting.
  • Beyond the basics – savvy techniques for starting a conversation off on the right track.
  • Build rapport and minimize defensiveness with powerful personality insights

Language patterns and scripts for success

  • Discover the words to choose and the words to lose to increase cooperation and understanding
  • Powerful templates for disciplinary and other crucial conversations – stop winging it.
  • Increase buy-in and commitment with one simple technique

What to do when emotions run high – yours and theirs

  • Master simple strategies to stay calm, cool, and collected during to toughest conversations.
  • What to say and do with those who cry, blame, and other negative behaviors
  • Discover how to “stop feeding carrots” to stick people and minimize other self sabotaging behaviors for crucial conversation success.

Whether you have these crucial conversations yourself or need to coach managers and supervisors how to have their own conversations with employees, this program is loaded with tools to make it easier.

Register now here!

For Groups of two or more, register now here!

Additional Inclusive Webinar Materials

  • Participant note-taking guide for use during the event and for reference post event.
  • Access to regular communication tools and techniques via Pamela’s Words Matter blog.
  • The complete audio recording of the event.

Who Should Attend

  • Leaders, Managers, and Supervisors
  • Project Managers
  • Team Leads
  • Administrative Assistants
  • Support Staff
  • Anyone who works in a team environment

FAST – Get right down to business with no time wasted.

This is a content-rich experience without fluff or filler.

CONVENIENT – Learn right at your desk.

No expensive travel, no time out of the office, and no time wasted. Can’t make the live webinar? Watch to the recording when the time is right for you.

APPLICABLE IMMEDIATELY –

This experience will provide time and money saving tools to use immediately.

 

AFFORDABLE –

Priced at just $79, this is a fraction of the cost of other high-priced events or seminars. Plus, there is no additional travel expense. Ideal for multiple listeners too!

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3 Simple Skills to Improve Your Communication (part 3)

by Pamela Jett, CSP

It’s no secret, communication is the #1 skills set professionals at every level ought to be polishing.  Research reveals that 80% of problems in most workplaces are caused by poor communication.  Whether you are a support staff person, a mid-level manager, or a C-suite level leader, better communication skills will help you achieve your goals and make a positive difference.

So, how can we begin to communicate more effectively starting today?  By following a few simple rules.  In previous posts I shared that rule #1 is to communicate in the positive and rule #2 is practice future focused communication.  Here is rule #3.

Communicate with an “Effective” Focus.  Almost every person I know, myself included, likes to be right.  We like to get in the last word.  We like to win.  We are tempted to say “I told you so.” We don’t like to admit when we are wrong. And we often struggle to apologize.  Many of us dig in our heels.  We become stubborn.  We might be a “my way or the highway” type of leader.  We even become difficult to work with and for.  This approach to communication can have severe consequences:

    • Conflict can escalate or turn destructive.
    • Minor issues can cause major relationship damage.
    • Even inconsequential things become a battle.
    • Relationships can suffer, teamwork suffers, and turnover increases.

One simple way to alleviate these consequences is to focus on effectiveness instead of being right.  A focus on effectiveness means that sometimes we sacrifice our need to be right in order to achieve a greater good or higher objective.  One simple way to do this is to replace the phrase “I disagree” with “I see it differently.”  “I disagree” sets up an “I’m right – you’re wrong” dichotomy.  “I see it differently” doesn’t create that dichotomy and is less defense or confrontation producing.

Communication is a vital tool for our success.  And, by following these simple rules for better communication, you can be a better communicator today!

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3 Simple Skills to Improve Your Communication (part 2)

by Pamela Jett, CSP

It’s no secret, communication is the #1 skills set professionals at every level ought to be polishing.  Research reveals that 80% of problems in most workplaces are caused by poor communication.  Whether you are a support staff person, a mid-level manager, or a C-suite level leader, better communication skills will help you achieve your goals and make a positive difference.

So, how can we begin to communicate more effectively starting today?  By following a few simple rules.  In a previous post I shared that rule #1 is to communicate in the positive.  Rule #2 is:

Communicate with a Future Focus.  How many times have you sat in a meeting where past mistakes or issues seem to dominate the conversation?  How many countless hours have been spent talking about the way things used to be done?  How much time do you spend in your relationships, both personal and professional, bringing up the past?  Chances are, the answer is too often, too many, too much!  When too much time is spent focusing on the past several things happen:

    • We don’t make much forward progress.
    • We can experience frustration because we can’t change the past and hopelessness can set in.
    • We might feel constantly “punished” when others refuse to let by gones be by gones and this can damage relationships.
    • We aren’t given the chance to learn, grow and evolve which can lead to disengagement.

Great communicators know that while it is important to acknowledge and learn from the past, including past mistakes, in order to foster an environment where productivity, creativity, and innovation thrive, a future focus is best.  And, a future focus also helps foster better, more positive relationships – a plus in any environment.  One simple technique you can experiment with today is to add the phrase “next time” to your conversations, especially those conversations that revolve around errors.  For example, if a problem occurs you can say “That is a problem.  What can we do next time to make sure it doesn’t happen?”  This small change can keep things moving forward and not stuck in the past.

Continue reading Pamela’s blog for rule #3.

 

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