by Pamela Jett, CSP

It’s that time of year again.  The time of year when we start to beat ourselves up because we may have given up on our New Year’s resolutions.   Research indicates that 80% of us will give up on our resolutions or goals within the month of January.  If you are one of the 80% who may have thrown in the towel, here are a few communication tips to get you back on track.

• Monitor your self-talk. We all talk to ourselves and the vast majority of our self-talk tends to be negative.  We start to beat ourselves up because we have fallen off the “resolution bandwagon.”  The next time you start saying things to yourself  like “I really blew it” or “I should really be more self-disciplined” or even “I’m such a loser,” take a moment a moment to re-frame the internal conversation.  Replace the negative with things such as “I am re-committed” or “I am learning to have more self-discipline” or “I am human.”  When we can replace the negative self-talk with more positive, growth oriented communication to ourselves we are far more likely to stay the course, start again, or re-commit and thus increase our chances of success.
• Replace “past” focused communication with “future” focused communication. If you are talking about the status of your goals and resolutions with others, resist the temptation to focus on what you didn’t do.  Avoid focusing on the past.  Avoid phrases such as “I didn’t exercise yesterday” or “I should have spoken up in yesterday’s meeting.”  Instead, commit out loud “I am headed to the gym this afternoon” or “I am asking to get on the meeting agenda next week.”  Stop focusing on the past and what you didn’t do or what you did wrong and instead keep your communication, both internal and external, future focused.
• Press the “re-set” button. Go ahead, press it right now.  Stop saying to yourself, “I will start again Monday” or “next month.”  Go ahead and give yourself permission to start again immediately instead of waiting for some supposedly logical start point like tomorrow or the beginning of the week.  Recommit right now, this very instant.  Taking small strides towards your goals and objectives right now is far better than planning for a “big step” or change in the future.

We so often sabotage our success in many areas of our lives with our communication.  Use the power of positive, future focused communication both internally and externally to stay the course and achieve great things!  For more tools, tips, and communication techniques to help you achieve your goals and objectives, join my teleseminar “Beyond Goal Setting 101″ on Thursday January 19, 2012. Register here.

by communication skills expert Pamela Jett, CSP

We’ve all been given the advice to give our bring our leadership solutions, not problems.  And yet, it can sometimes be difficult to communicate those solutions in a polished, professional way.  Here is a simple 3 step process anyone can use at any level to communicate solutions in a powerful way.

1.  Situation – Succinctly and clearly describe the current situation or problem.  It’s not necessary to go into too much detail – a simple overview or a definitive statement will do.

2.  Solution - Describe your proposed solution to the situation.  Use powerful words such as “solution,” “plan,” or “answer” and again, keep it brief.

3.  Support – Ask a closing question designed to get their support such as “do I have your support on this?”

When we use this simple 3 step process, we are communicating with clarity, brevity, and impact.

Please post a comment and share this blog with others.  Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that “Words Matter.”  Find her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, connect on Linked In and sign up for her “Brain Wrinkle” on this website.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Giving praise is one of the most positive forms of communication.   However, if all we say is “thanks” or “good job”, we miss an opportunity to get make a real impact.  Well delivered praise  rewards and increases the likelihood that people will continue the praiseworthy behavior.  Here is a simple process to give praise that is meaningful and effective every time.  (BTW, I sure wish I could remember where I learned this system – I would love to give credit where credit is due.)

1.  Use names – people like to hear their name associated with the positive.  Research also reveals that every time we hear our name, we get a tiny endorphin rush (the happy hormones.)

2.  Praise immediately – psychologically, your praise will make a bigger impact if it is delivered as close to the praseworthy act as possible.  Leaders, don’t hold on to all the good stuff for performance reviews.  You can double-dip.  If it is fantastic, praise immedaitely and share during a review.

3.  Be specific – don’t simply say “good job.”  Make it clear what you are praising.  That way, people will know what to keep doing.

4.  Point out the impact – this is HUGE!  Of all the steps, this is the most neglected and the most important.  Telling people why what they did matters (pointing out the impact) creates better employee engagement, a greater sense of commitment, and greatly increases that likelihood that the praise will be remembered (and acted upon in the future)

5.  Ask for a repeat – simple and effective.

Susan, you did a great job organizing the data in this report.  Well organized data is what really makes a difference during the monthly review. Keep up the good work.

Following this pattern for giving praise (it also works as a guide for writing thank you notes as well) will increase the likeliehood that your praise will be received as sincere.  Leaders (and parents) who use this system increase commitment and engagement while empowering employees (and teens).

What are your thoughts on giving praise?  Please post a comment and share this blog with others.  Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that “Words Matter.”  Find her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, connect on Linked In and sign up for her “Brain Wrinkle” on this website.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

I’ve long suspected the research would bear this truth out – good communication is one of, if not the, most important skills sets professionals can possess.  Now, the research results are in and it’s official!

I recently surveyed hundreds of professionals about the importance and power of communication.  Here are a few of the most interesting results:

• 41% of respondents indicated that communication is the most important skill set in the workplace.
• 50% of respondents indicated that communication is an extremely important skill set in the workplace.

When those in leadership positions were asked what type of communication skills they would most like to see their employees improve the top answers were:

1. The ability to deal more effectively with difficult people
2. The ability to handle conflict and confrontation
3. The ability to communicate with emotional intelligence.

What are you doing to improve your communication skills in these areas?  Are you consistently looking for new tools and techniques for dealing with difficult people?  Are you working to gain more emotional intelligence so that that you can handle conflict and confrontation with tact and finesse?

Communication is the most important skill set we possess.  I invite you to work consistently to build your communication skills and reap the rewards in your professional life.

What do you think about the importance of communication?  Leave a comment on this blog and watch for more survey results coming soon.

by Pamela Jett CSP

It’s 2011 and many of us, myself included, have big plans for this year.  Goal setting or resolutions seem to be a hot topic every January.  If you were unable to attend my teleseminar “Beyond Goal Setting 101″ Here are three quick tips to increase the likelihood that you will achieve all that you set out to achieve in 2011.

1.  Use the word “by” when you are writing out your goals.  For example, “I am improving my communication by taking one communication course, teleseminar, or workshop each quarter” or “I am more promotable by volunteering to serve on two high profile committees at work this year.”  Using the word “by” to add action to your goals.

2.  Write you goals as “I am” statements.  This puts your goals or vision in the present tense.  The word “will” makes us think in the future.  I want to be behaving in a way that moves me towards my end result now.

3.  Post your goals or your vision where you can see them and read them regularly.  I use vision boards to help me keep focused and moving in the direction I’ve chosen.  I make one every year and hang it in my office, where I spend a lot of time.  Some years I will do a business and a personal board.  This year, I’ve combined the two.  I need the wall space for a white board.  That white board will serve a crucial role in helping me achieve something I’ve committed to on my vision board.   I like to make mine pretty.  Some people use pictures.  I often use pictures and words.  This year, I opted for words only.  You can make your vision board any way you like.  By posting it in a prominent place it can help you stay focused all year long.

These quick tips are just a few of the many I shared during my teleseminar “Beyond Goal Setting 101.”  If you want more information on up-coming teleseminars, you will find it here on my website.

Here’s to a joyous and prosperous 2011!

Pamela

by Pamela Jett, CSP

According to Deloitte’s fourth annual Ethics & Workplace Survey, one-third of employed Americans plan to look for a new job when the economy gets better.  Yikes!   Since turnover is extraordinarily expensive, it is in the best interest of organizations to focus now on preventing this massive loss of talent and intellectual capital.  Why do people plan on leaving?  48 percent cite a loss of trust in their employer and 46 percent say that a lack of transparent communication from their company’s leadership are their reasons.

Here are a few simple steps that anyone at any level within an organization can take to improve trust and communication.

Keep people informed. It is a fact of organizational life that when people begin to suspect that “something is up” the rumor mill starts working overtime.  And, the scary part is that in absence of good or reliable information, people will simply start to make things up.  They speculate, they guess and pretty soon those speculations take on the power of truth.  A good leader (at any level of the organization) keeps people informed to the best of their ability.  Even if they, the leaders, don’t have all the answers, a great leader will communicate that they are aware the concern exists and they will share information as it becomes available.  Employees would much rather know that their leader doesn’t have all the answers than to suspect their leader is holding out on them.

Point out the impact of contributions. Help people feel like what they do matters by pointing out the impact or the difference they make on a regular basis.  Instead of simply praising someone for a job well done, offer the praise and let them know why what they did is valuable.  When employees know that what they do matters, when there is no mystery around the role they play and the value they add to the organization, they are more likely to stay even when other opportunities are on the horizon.

Communicate awareness of career development. Although in the current job market the temptation is to “protect” and “hoard” opportunities, a great leader knows that delegating and putting opportunities for career development in the path of others is a great way to stay valuable to an organization.  If you are in a leadership position, demonstrate your awareness of the career development needs and wants of others.  Do what you can to acknowledge and support that need.  Spread the “high-profile” assignments around instead of relying on one or two “go to” people all the time.  Communicating and demonstrating an awareness that people need opportunities to shine in organizations makes you a more trustworthy leader.

While people may currently be happy to have any job, turnover will happen and it will happen sooner than later.  Now is the time to put your remarkable communication skills to work so that you are the kind of leader or colleague others want to work with and for.    Not only will this help prevent good people from leaving in the future, it can make your current work environment more rewarding, it can improve employee engagement, and it can make you a better leader (regardless of your title or job description.)

Pamela Jett, CSP is a communication skills expert who believes that communication is the most important skill set any professional can develop.  As a a keynote speaker, workshop leader, and coach, she works with professionals worldwide to develop remarkable communication skills for remarkable results.  If you enjoyed this blog post, please share with others, leave a comment, tweet it, or post it to your social networks.  For more information about Pamela, click here.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

The deepest need of the human soul is to be understood.

I believe this to be true and it is especially true during conflict and confrontation or emotionally charged situations.  We are looking for others to “get it” or to understand what we are feeling.  And, when we don’t feel understood it can lead to genuine frustration, damaged relationships, and increased conflict.

While we can’t make people better listeners and we can’t improve the empathy skills of others, we can do one simple thing that will increase the likelihood that we will be more fully understood during emotional conversation.  We can build our emotional vocabularies.

I believe that many of us are walking around with fairly limited emotional vocabularies.  We feel rich, complex, and diverse emotions, but we tend to rely on the same limited number of words to express those feelings.  For example, when we are feeling confused and frustrated by another’s behavior we often simply say we are “angry.”  Or, when we are feeling lonely and under-appreciated we might simply say we are feeling “sad.”  Or, when we are feeling overwhelmed and out of control we might resort to labeling that complex state as simply being “stressed.”

Is it any wonder that we don’t feel understood when we are oversimplifying our emotional states?  If you are looking for others to better understand what you are feeling, get better at accurately expressing those feelings.  Build your emotional vocabulary.

When you more accurately describe your internal state, you will likely receive a more on target or “understanding” response from others.  While this doesn’t solve all the challenges during emotional conversations, it can help us each feel more understood and that is a great place to start!

by Pamela Jett, CSP

“What was she thinking?”

“Doesn’t he know that’s not how we do things around here?”

“He ought to know better.”

“I should not have to explain this to her.”

If you are a leader, you might often think these things in response to employee behavior.  Sometimes, it seems as if employees are intentionally engaging in behavior that seems lacking in good judgement or common sense.  It can be frustrating when employees seem to flaunt the unspoken behavioral norms or rules in organizations.  We think they ought to know better.

My advice to leaders who experience this frustration is to remember that:

Not Everyone Was Raised at Your House!

While some things may just seem to be simple commons sense to you, perhaps they were not raised with the same example of smart decision making as you were.  Things that seem obvious to you might not be so obvious to them because they haven’t had the same experiences as you.  Quite simply,  not everyone was raised at your house.

Given that “common sense” isn’t exactly common and that some people simply don’t follow the “cultural norms” or the “unspoken rules” within your organization, what can you as a leader do to help them improve an employee’s performance in these areas?

First, remember that not all people are as adept at reading social signals and picking up on norms as others.  They require clear communication of expectations even if you think “I really shouldn’t have to tell them this.” Or, “they ought to have figured this out by now.”

Second, provide clear communication about social norms or “unwritten rules.”  Do so in a positive fashion.  For example:

I want to keep you in the loop.  Most successful people in this organization choose to not discuss politics with their peers during work hours.

Or,

As your supervisor, I thought I would give you the inside scoop.  Even though our dress code is “business casual”, when executive leadership visits our site, most people opt to dress a bit more formal.

Or,

I wanted to give you a heads up.  Even though it is not spelled out in the employee handbook, sending lots of text messages are frowned upon in this organization.

Once you’ve clearly  and positively communicated your expectations or the “unwritten rules” it is then easier to coach people to success or to hold them accountable, even for the “unwritten rules.”

If you have ideas or suggestions on how to hold people accountable for the “unwritten rules” or “norms”, I would love your comments.

]]> http://www.jettct.com/blog/communicate-expectations-for-performance-improvement/feed/ 0 http://www.jettct.com/blog/assertive-communication-what-it-really-takes/ http://www.jettct.com/blog/assertive-communication-what-it-really-takes/#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2010 18:05:53 +0000 pamela http://www.jettct.com/blog/?p=123

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Stephen Covey taught me that “inner victories precede outer victories.” Lately, I’ve been conducting several workshops and teleseminars on assertive communication skills and the truth of Dr. Covey’s notion has really been driven home.  In order to be assertive (not passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive), we must have a strong sense of who we are and what matters most.  It is only with a clear understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities that we can assertively communicate.  Essentially, we need to know on a deep level that some things are worth standing up for and that some things are not.  That way, we can make the choice to use our assertive communication skills (or not.)

Of course, this is easier said than done.  Especially if you were raised to be a “people pleaser” or if you have the habit of putting the needs of others ahead of yours.  It is difficult to communicate in a way that is consistent with what matters most to you if you don’t have a sense of what matters most.  It is hard to stand up for something or assertively communicate your wants and needs if you have not placed a priority on those wants and needs.

If you want to communicate with more confidence, if you want to master the art of assertive communication and reap the rewards of being seem as more capable and credible, I challenge you to spend some quality time figuring out what matters most to you.  I am a big fan of creating and using a personal mission statement.  A personal mission statement is a reflection of what matters most.  It is a written document that articulates your values and priorities.

It is so much easier to assertively communicate when you have a strong sense of “inner victory.”  You will be able to use your assertive communication tools to gain credibility, influence, and respect at work and at home.  If you would like more information on developing your assertive communication skills and developing the pre-requisite of “inner victory” click here .

If you have an example of when you were able to assertively communicate because you had a strong sense of what matters most, I would love to know your story.  Please post a comment.  And, feel free to past this blog post along via Twitter, Facebook, or simply tell a friend.

By Pamela Jett, CSP

I confess.  I spend time on Facebook.  I have found it a great place to connect with old friends.  In fact, just yesterday I connected with a college friend who now plays Big Mike on Chuck.  I’ve connected with friends from elementary school, old roommates, and even a few relatives I didn’t really know about!  I also love that Facebook allows me to see what my friends and colleagues are up to and to offer support and encouragement.  It’s great fun to look at photos, old and new (what’s up with the 80″s hairstyles???) and to see pictures of kids and spouses.

One thing that always makes me smile is the “relationship status”.  One of the options is “it’s complicated” and I was thinking the other day that all the status options ought to have “it’s complicated”. I’m single and I know that “it’s complicated.”  Married people will attest –  ”it’s complicated.”  In fact, all relationships, both personal and professional, are complicated.

The way we manage, maintain, and build our relationships is through communication.  Communication is really the “stuff” that relationships are made of.  Not only what we say, but what we do, how we spend our time, the people we associate with,  it all communicates something.  And frankly, communication isn’t always easy.  We say things we regret, we don’t phrase things right and others get offended, we say too much, we say too little, we say the right thing, but at the wrong time, we misunderstand one another – bottom line –  It’s complicated.

Why are relationships and communication so complicated?  Well, the answer is… you guessed it… it’s complicated!  However, one simple tool to help manage that complication is to remember that past experiences shape our perceptions of current experiences.  So, since everyone has had a different life history, the world really is a different place to different people.

Remembering that we all see the world differently doesn’t make communication easy, but it can help us to be more patient when miscommunication occurs.  It can aid us in choosing our words wisely because we know that people attach their own unique meaning to words and we want to take their experience (their reality) into account.  This knowledge can help us communicate more effectively because we understand where the other person is coming from, or at least that they are coming from a place somewhat different than we are.

Relationships and communication – it’s complicated.  By acknowledging that it’s complicated, we are better able to use communication, our most important tool, to build stronger and more meaningful relationships with friends, family, colleagues and management.