by Pamela Jett, CSP

It is not a huge secret – difficult people are everywhere!  You may work them, you may live with some of them, and you might even feel like you’ve given birth to one or two on occasion!  Successful people realize that you can’t make a difficult person not be difficult.  However, it is possible to use remarkable communication skills to train the difficult person that thier behavior might work with everyone else, it does not work with you.  Here are a few quick reminders for dealing with difficult people. 

1. Remember what gets rewarded gets repeated.  When dealing with a difficult person, bear in mind that they are often using techniques that have worked for them in the past.  Refuse to reward their inappropriate behavior. Don’t take the bait and get sucked into an emotionally charged situation.  Stay calm, stay logical. and deny them the satisfaction of seeing you sweat.  
2. Out of control emotions can make even smart people stupid and difficult people know this.  They will do whatever it takes to unhinge you emotionally so that they have the upper hand.  When you recognize that their emotional intensity is often simply a way to bait you into an emotional interaction, you can more successfully stay rooted in logic and self control.
3. Difficult behaviors are often rooted in low self-esteem or lack of confidence.  And while this doesn’t make their behavior any more palatable or acceptable, this knowledge can allow us to ability to not take things personally.  Additionally, this knowledge may allow you the perspective to  take an “emotional step back” and discover the root cause of the tension or problem and work on solving or addressing the “real” or “core” issue.

If you would like to learn more communication tools for dealing with difficult people, I invite you attend my upcoming teleseminar on January 21, 2010.  Registration details can be found at http://tinyurl.com/yatnkt6 .

In the meantime, watch the quick video to discover a powerful technique called “make the hidden obvious” for dealing with a sniper.  Enjoy and I look forward to sharing more tools on January 27, 2010!

By Pamela Jett

What a wonderful time of year this is! I am so very grateful for all of my many blessings; wonderful family, terrific friends, great clients, and tremendous opportunities. This is also a time of year when many of us feel somewhat stressed and over-committed both socially and professionally.

I recently heard a great suggestion (thanks LeAnn Thiemann!) that I would like to pass along to help ease the holiday pressure. Whenever someone asks you to do something, attend an event, participate in the potluck etc… try saying “Thank you for thinking of me. Let me think about it a bit (or check my schedule) and I will get back to you.” When we use this approach we decrease the likelihood that we will say yes to something due to the pressure of the moment. And, it also deceases the likelihood that we will over-commit or double-book ourselves. By taking time to ponder the opportunity, you are more likely to stay focused on your priorities during this wonderful and hectic season. Of course, do people the courtesy of actually getting back to them in a timely manner. In some instances that might be within the hour or a day or two later, depending on the request.

Confident capable professionals and effective individuals are able to set limits and boundaries and manage their schedules. Remember, where you spend your time is a true indicator of your priorities. And, when our beliefs and our actions are not consistent with one another, that is a sure fire recipe for stress. When the way we behave (how we spend our time) is truly in alignment with our beliefs and priorities, we reduce guilt, eliminate stress, and can focus on what matters most in our lives.

If you have a boundary statement or a communication tool you use to experience less stress and more joy during the holidays, comment on this blog. Or, send an e-mail to Pamela@Jettct.com

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website http://www.jettct.com/ .

By Pamela Jett

Over the last dozen years or so, I™ve taught thousands of people about the perils associated with saying œI™m sorry. Sorry is a weak word that when used frequently can destroy our credibility and keep us from getting the attention, recognition and respect we may deserve. Additionally, we when we habitually use œsorry we often find ourselves saying sorry for things we have little or no control or influence over. Moreover, œsorry is used so frequently that it lacks impact and people can question our sincerity because it is used often and for everything. For more on the perils of saying œsorry and the advisability of using œI apologize or empathy, visit the archived brain wrinkles at www.JettCT.com .

I have worked for years to purge œsorry from my vocabulary and to replace it with more powerful alternatives. And, for the most part, I have been successful. So, I found myself somewhat at a loss the other day when in the space of an hour and a half I said œI™m sorry more times than I have said it in the last year “ maybe in the last several years!

I have recently begun taking private ballroom dance lessons. I have a wonderful dance instructor who is patient, clear in his instruction, and fun. Despite his patience, I found myself saying, almost every time I made a mistake, œI™m sorry. I™ve been thinking about why, under those circumstances, I reverted to an old habit that I thought I had long ago eradicated.

I™ve come to a few conclusions about conditions under which it is hard to not say œI™m sorry. It is my hope that by looking at these conditions, I will be better equipped to use the powerful communication skills I do indeed posses. It is my desire that you might also benefit from analyzing these conditions so that when they arise in your personal or professional life you can be vigilant and minimize the use of œsorry.

1. I am learning something new. Anytime we are learning something new, we are more vulnerable. We are stepping beyond what is comfortable and into the realm of uncertainty. Essentially, I felt insecure. I believe it is insecurity that triggered the plethora of œI™m sorrys. So, the next time you are learning something new, be vigilant. œSorry is more likely to come flying out of our mouths when we are experiencing a steep learning curve.

2. Someone else was depending on me to succeed. My dance partner only looks good if I look good. Whether we are working with a colleague, as part of a team, or on a piece of a project that someone else depends upon, if someone else is depending upon our success to experience their own success, the pressure is on, And when the pressure is on, I am more likely to revert to old , weak forms of communication. Hence, the œI™m sorrys. Monitor yourself when working with others and work to eradicate the œsorry usage.

3. Failure would cost me something. I am paying for lessons. To fail would mean that I spent my hard earned money and didn™t get a decent return on my investment. When you have invested something, be it money, time, or your heart and soul; you might be like me and become more easily frustrated. And, when I am frustrated I tend to revert to old, counter-productive forms of communication.

When one or more of these conditions exist, I would encourage you to be extra vigilant. Know that it will be hard not to say œsorry and be prepared with better, more powerful options.

Is eradicating or minimizing œsorry something too small for the professional to concern themselves about? I think not. Words matter. The words we choose to use in our communication sends a clear message about our professionalism. The savvy communicator knows that œsorry is a poor choice and they will be vigilant, especially under high pressure conditions.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com

By Pamela Jett

Are you satisfied with the recognition you are receiving in the workplace for all of your efforts, ideas, and hard work? Do you feel your leader appreciates you when you put forth an extra effort? Would you like to increase the likelihood that your hard work is recognized and has a positive impact on your promotability? Most professionals would like more attention, authority, and opportunity in the workplace. Communication is the tool through which you can achieve more recognition and opportunity.

As professionals, we must be willing to œtoot our own horns since others will rarely do it for us. However, most of us don™t want to come across as someone who is pushy or obnoxious. I suggest sending œI™m great updates to your immediate supervisor once a quarter. The œI™m great update is a one page email that summarizes all the important things you have been doing, all the problems you have solved, and all the opportunities you have maximized. It is essentially a status report you leverage for your success. Here are some quick tips:

1. Keep it brief “ one printed page max.

2. Use œbullet points to make it easy and quick to read.

3. If you have made or saved your organization money, put it in the up-date.

4. Share the status of anything big you are currently working on.

5. Include any new skills you have acquired such as knowledge of a new computer program or any training sessions or workshops you have attended “ especially if you did so on your own initiative.

6. Title it œQuarterly Progress Report or something equally professional (unless your boss has a quirky sense of humor like me and would appreciate the clever œI™m Great Update title).

Sending an “I’m great up-date” not only increases the likelihood that your efforts will be noticed and appreciated; it makes it easier for your boss at review time. They now have something they can easily access to remind them of the things you do well. This isn’t pushy or obnoxious. It is simply working smarter, not harder. Regardless of your content, you will actually stand out from your colleagues because you take the time to keep your leadership in the loop. You make their job easier. It is a win/win!

Do you have a tip for tooting your own horn? If so, I would like to know about it. Send an e-mail to me, Pamela@JettCT.com . Keep watching this blog for more ways to communicate for success. Or, visit www.JettCT.com and visit the articles section for archived ideas and techniques.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com .

By Pamela Jett

Did you know that nearly one-quarter of U.S. employees (according to a recent Gallup Management Journal survey) would fire their bosses if given an opportunity to do so? Yikes! The reason these employees would opt to fire their boss is because they feel œdisengaged and œdisconnected at work.

Communication is the tool by which leaders, managers, and supervisors can create a work environment in which individuals feel valued, connected and actively engaged. In fact, communication is really the only tool to build relationships leaders possess. As such, leaders would be well served to use communication to strengthen as opposed to sabotage professional relationships.

There is a technique that all leaders can use to build relationship and connect. Peer to peer communication can benefit from this technique as well. This technique will help people feel like their opinion, ideas, and insights matter; which, in turn, helps people feel like they matter.

Great communicators are comfortable using a version of œthat™s interesting “ tell me more. There are several ways in which this technique can be useful. And please remember, tone of voice and facial expression matter when using this technique.

1. If you are a leader and you notice an employee engaged in a behavior that seems, at first blush, to be inappropriate or wrong, you can either ask something defense producing (and thus counter-productive) such as œwhat are you doing? or œwhy are you doing that? or you can opt to be more savvy and try œthat™s interesting, tell me more. This frees the employee up to provide more information, without them becoming defensive. As a leader, you just might discover that what they are doing, although different than what you would do, is actually smart or innovative. Or, you might discover that they are engaged in something wrong. However, you can then provide correction and they are likely to be more open to the correction because you allowed them to explain themselves first.

2. If you ever need to buy yourself some time because you have been blindsided or caught off guard, œthat™s interesting, tell me more is a great way to gather more information and simultaneously buy yourself some time to gather your thoughts. And, you appear professional and composed in the process.

3. This technique also works when you suspect someone is being less than completely candid. By saying œthat™s interesting, tell me more you are sending someone a subtle signal that you are on to them and they will think twice about stretching the truth or being less than honest with you in the future.

These are just some of the scenarios in which œthat™s interesting, tell me more can be beneficial. For more communication tools, listen to Pamela™s Communicate with Confidence Audio CD program available at www.JettCT.com

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com .