by Pamela Jett, CSP

“What was she thinking?”

“Doesn’t he know that’s not how we do things around here?”

“He ought to know better.”

“I should not have to explain this to her.”

If you are a leader, you might often think these things in response to employee behavior.  Sometimes, it seems as if employees are intentionally engaging in behavior that seems lacking in good judgement or common sense.  It can be frustrating when employees seem to flaunt the unspoken behavioral norms or rules in organizations.  We think they ought to know better.

My advice to leaders who experience this frustration is to remember that:

Not Everyone Was Raised at Your House!

While some things may just seem to be simple commons sense to you, perhaps they were not raised with the same example of smart decision making as you were.  Things that seem obvious to you might not be so obvious to them because they haven’t had the same experiences as you.  Quite simply,  not everyone was raised at your house.

Given that “common sense” isn’t exactly common and that some people simply don’t follow the “cultural norms” or the “unspoken rules” within your organization, what can you as a leader do to help them improve an employee’s performance in these areas?

First, remember that not all people are as adept at reading social signals and picking up on norms as others.  They require clear communication of expectations even if you think “I really shouldn’t have to tell them this.” Or, “they ought to have figured this out by now.”

Second, provide clear communication about social norms or “unwritten rules.”  Do so in a positive fashion.  For example:

I want to keep you in the loop.  Most successful people in this organization choose to not discuss politics with their peers during work hours.

Or,

As your supervisor, I thought I would give you the inside scoop.  Even though our dress code is “business casual”, when executive leadership visits our site, most people opt to dress a bit more formal.

Or,

I wanted to give you a heads up.  Even though it is not spelled out in the employee handbook, sending lots of text messages are frowned upon in this organization.

Once you’ve clearly  and positively communicated your expectations or the “unwritten rules” it is then easier to coach people to success or to hold them accountable, even for the “unwritten rules.”

If you have ideas or suggestions on how to hold people accountable for the “unwritten rules” or “norms”, I would love your comments.

]]> http://www.jettct.com/blog/communicate-expectations-for-performance-improvement/feed/ 0 http://www.jettct.com/blog/fb-status-its-complicated/ http://www.jettct.com/blog/fb-status-its-complicated/#comments Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:43:41 +0000 pamela http://www.jettct.com/blog/?p=108

By Pamela Jett, CSP

I confess.  I spend time on Facebook.  I have found it a great place to connect with old friends.  In fact, just yesterday I connected with a college friend who now plays Big Mike on Chuck.  I’ve connected with friends from elementary school, old roommates, and even a few relatives I didn’t really know about!  I also love that Facebook allows me to see what my friends and colleagues are up to and to offer support and encouragement.  It’s great fun to look at photos, old and new (what’s up with the 80″s hairstyles???) and to see pictures of kids and spouses.

One thing that always makes me smile is the “relationship status”.  One of the options is “it’s complicated” and I was thinking the other day that all the status options ought to have “it’s complicated”. I’m single and I know that “it’s complicated.”  Married people will attest –  ”it’s complicated.”  In fact, all relationships, both personal and professional, are complicated.

The way we manage, maintain, and build our relationships is through communication.  Communication is really the “stuff” that relationships are made of.  Not only what we say, but what we do, how we spend our time, the people we associate with,  it all communicates something.  And frankly, communication isn’t always easy.  We say things we regret, we don’t phrase things right and others get offended, we say too much, we say too little, we say the right thing, but at the wrong time, we misunderstand one another – bottom line –  It’s complicated.

Why are relationships and communication so complicated?  Well, the answer is… you guessed it… it’s complicated!  However, one simple tool to help manage that complication is to remember that past experiences shape our perceptions of current experiences.  So, since everyone has had a different life history, the world really is a different place to different people.

Remembering that we all see the world differently doesn’t make communication easy, but it can help us to be more patient when miscommunication occurs.  It can aid us in choosing our words wisely because we know that people attach their own unique meaning to words and we want to take their experience (their reality) into account.  This knowledge can help us communicate more effectively because we understand where the other person is coming from, or at least that they are coming from a place somewhat different than we are.

Relationships and communication – it’s complicated.  By acknowledging that it’s complicated, we are better able to use communication, our most important tool, to build stronger and more meaningful relationships with friends, family, colleagues and management.

By Pamela Jett, CSP

Interruptions happen about seventy-three times a day!  They can eat up more than 2 hours of the work day.  And, the result is a cost to U.S. businesses of an estimated $588 billion a year.

How would you like you and your team to better manage interruptions so that they don™t take such a terrible toll every day?  During Pamela™s informative 60 minute teleseminar learn how to communicate more effectively and either prevent interruptions or minimize the negative impact of interruptions.

• Discover the key role communication plays in keeping time wasting interruptions at bay.
• Learn how to let others know that œnow is not a good time without appearing disinterested or uncooperative.
• Master the œacknowledge and reschedule technique to stay on task while still being a team-player.
• Enhance your ability to get things done by communicating effectively and manage interruptions with tact and finesse.

Pamela I want to let you know how much we here at the International Monetary Fund enjoyed your teleseminar.  Your presentation was crisp, clear and strong–a real inspiration for how we all need to be communicating! – Paula D., PhD

Learn how to manage interruptions with tact and finesse and watch your productivity soar!  Register for Pamela™s 60 minute teleseminar here (March 8, 2010 noon pacific time.)

]]> http://www.jettct.com/blog/communicate-and-minimize-the-havoc-of-interruptions/feed/ 0 http://www.jettct.com/blog/brussel-sprouts-and-pride/ http://www.jettct.com/blog/brussel-sprouts-and-pride/#comments Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:21:39 +0000 pamela http://www.jettct.com/blog/?p=98

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Some things are really very hard for me to swallow:  brussel sprouts, creamed corn, liver, and zucchini, to name a few.  However, the most difficult thing for me to swallow is my pride.  It is difficult, distasteful, and not very fun from my point of view.  And yet, I am aware that swallowing my pride is good for me, just like liver and zucchini.  While every leader is aware of how important it is to be humble (which means teachable), it is sometimes very difficult.

One simple way to swallow our pride as leaders is to ask others for their ideas as opposed to simply imposing our own agenda.  Research is very clear that when we ask others for their ideas and solutions, we increase employee engagement and often get better solutions to complex problems.  It isn’t always easy to ask others for their opinions, especially when time is tight or when we think we know the “right” answer.  It is, however, worth it.  Here are a few simple “pride-swallowing” questions to add to your leadership communication repertoire.

• “What are your thoughts?”
• “How do you think this might play out?”
• “How would you approach this situation?”

Just like swallowing brussel sprouts, swallowing our pride can yield great bottom-line results.  And, as an added bonus, we become the kind of leader that employees like and respect.

Enjoy this post?  Please post a comment and share it with those in your professional network.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

In a busy work environment it can be very easy to get  caught up in managing a multitude of tasks, meeting tight deadlines, coping with constant change, and being asked to do more with less.  In that environment, it can be very easy to forget to use remarkable communication.  Here are a few quick tips to keep you focused on using remarkable communication even in the midst of chaos:

1.  Focus on making one change at a time. If you are looking to make remarkable communication one of your personal and professional hallmarks, pick one thing to work on and stay focused on mastering that change.  For example commit to replacing the words “idea” and “suggestion” with more powerful words such as “solution” or “plan.”  For more ideas of small changes in communication that can make a big difference, click here .

2.  Teach someone else. When you learn a remarkable communication tool, share it with someone else.  I often have great conversations  about communication with a friend, Charlotte, who is committed to self-improvement. Charlotte is an active blogger and she often shares what she has learned during our conversations with others through her blog and by teaching it to her family.  This reinforces her commitment to practicing the technique because she has declared herself publicly.  (Read Charlotte’s fantastic blog here.)

3. Recruit a colleague. If you decide to make a change in your communication, recruit someone who knows you well to support you in your efforts.  They can applaud you when you succeed and keep you on track when it is easy to lose focus.

Communication is the most important skill we possess.  Make a commitment to enhancing your communication and hence your credibility and professionalism, even in the midst of the pressing daily grind.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who is committed to sharing remarkable communication tools that create remarkable results.  For more information on bringing Pamela to your meeting or event, click here or call Aimee at 866.726.5388.

Want to learn remarkable communication tools without even leaving your desk?  Attend Pamela’s next teleseminar!

By Pamela Jett, CSP

In previous blog posts I’ve shared the power of vision boards.  And, I have even shared pictures of my vision boards.  I firmly believe that if you post a “vision” of what you want your life to look like, the goals you want to achieve, and the areas of life that you want to improve you greatly increase the likelihood that you will achieve those goals and objectives.  So, I was thrilled to see this commercial as I watched the Olympics tonight.  Enjoy and congratulations Julia!

Click here to view the embedded video.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

I read in today’s edition of the Harvard Business Review’s on-line management tip of the day that it is vitally important for leaders and managers to let employees make mistakes.  I would agree.  It is often wise to step-in and correct an employee before a mistake is made, especially if it will be a large or costly error.  However, it is also often wise to step back and allow an employee to make a mistake and then coach them on the back end on how to either fix it or do better in the future.

By allowing employees the freedom to learn from their mistakes, leaders are not only contributing to an employee’s sense of personal responsibility and success, they are also improving employee engagement.  It is a well known fact that people like their own ideas the most and will be committed and engaged in implementing solutions or ideas that they help create.

So how can a leader or manager use remarkable communication to coach an employee after a mistake has been made?  One way is to make sure you communicate in the positive, not the negative.  Sometimes as leaders we are so busy telling people what not to do that we forget to tell them what right looks like.  Monitor your use of the word “don’t” and make a concerted effort to “ditch the don’t” and communicate in the positive, not the negative.  Share with employees what you would like them to do next time.  Better yet, ask them what they think they ought to do next time.  You will enhance employee engagement by asking employees (or your children if you are being a leader at home) for their input.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Help your employees, your children, your colleagues, and even yourself learn from mistakes.  Use remarkable communication to help them learn and you will see commitment and employee engagement soar!

How has communicating in the positive helped you?  Leave a comment and share your success story!

By Pamela Jett, CSP

It is a myth that good work gets rewarded.  The reality is that good work alone is not enough to experience success.  Several years ago a participant in one of my workshops shared the following:

Pamela, I work so very hard.  I am always on time.  I don’t waste time chatting and gossiping.  I come in, I get to my desk, and I get to work.  The numbers prove that I get more work done than any of my colleagues.  They seem to waste time going to lunch with people, participating in extra activities, and, in general, seem to brag about what they get done.  I am frustrated because others seem to be getting promoted and I, the top producer, am stuck – it’s not fair.

While I could understand this person’s frustration, it was also clearly evident that she bought into the myth that good work alone is enough to get ahead.  The reality is that while good work is a first step towards getting attention, authority, and opportunities, good work must be leveraged with good career management communication skills.

Top notch professionals recognize that it is their responsibility to “mind their own business.”  They recognize that it is not their leader’s responsibility to know and track how valuable they are, it is their responsibility to communicate their worth and value.   They use powerful communication skills to leverage their contributions and increase the likelihood that this good work gets noticed.

One simple way to communicate your value is to replace the words “idea” and “suggestion” with more powerful words such as “solution” or “plan”.  People will pay more attention to a “solution” than they will to an “idea” or a suggestion. This is a small change that can make a big difference.  And, if you really want to communicate your value, make sure you put your contributions in writing (even if you present them to a group).  This increases the likelihood that you will get the credit you deserve when your solution yields great results.  Additionally, people will take you more seriously simply because you took the time to put your contribution in writing.

If you are looking for more powerful communication tools to “get noticed” and “get ahead”, join me on February 4, 2010 at noon PST for a powerful one-hour teleseminar to help you “Mind Your Own Business.”  Can’t join the live event?  If you register, you will receive a download to listen to at your convenience.  Register here: https://secure.confertel.net/tsregister.asp?program=Jett2010 An audio CD version is also available at http://www.jettct.com/success-store

If you have a great suggestion on how to “Mind Your Own Business” that you believe will help others experience career success, please leave a comment.  I would love your suggestions!

By Pamela Jett, CSP

As a communication skills expert, I am often asked what exactly does a communication skills speaker do?   The answer is fairly simple, I work with individuals, organizations, teams, associations, and groups to improve their productivity by improving communication.  I am fond of reminding people that “communication is like a thread which runs through a pearl necklace.  It is invisible.  Yet without it, everything would fall apart.”  I firmly believe that communication is the most important skill set any professional possesses.  Good communication (or poor communication) can make or break a career, a team, a family.  Most professionals agree that about 80% of problems at work result from poor communication and most individuals will admit that poor communication is the root cause of many relationship breakdowns.  We all know that communication matters!

However, while most of us are aware that good communication is vital to success, many of us choose to learn our communication skills through trial and error.  Essentially, we are enrolled in the “school of hard knocks” when it comes to improving our communication abilities.  And the “school of hard knocks” comes with a pretty hefty tuition bill:  lost credibility, damaged relationships, lost opportunities, and team dysfunction.  Savvy people recognize that while the “school of hard knocks” is a valid way to learn, it can be painful and they prefer to learn from the knowledge and expertise of others.  As a communication skills speaker, I provide an alternative to learning the hard way.

With workshops, training, keynote addresses, executive coaching, teleseminars, audio CDs and other delivery mechanisms, I teach individuals powerful tools for communication success.  I believe that “words matter” and that the words you choose to use and the words you choose to lose can make all the difference.  For example, I teach my clients to stop saying “don’t forget” and to start saying “please remember”.  You can read other blog posts here for more examples of the specific tools and techniques that I share.  I provide professionals with specific language patterns and templates they can use to communicate effectively in some of the most challenging situations.  With a focus on practical application (as opposed to theory – because while interesting, theory really doesn’t yield results), I provide individuals, teams, and leaders with the words to use so that we no longer lay awake at night wondering “how do I deal with that?”  or “what do I say”.

I enjoy being a communication skills speaker immensely.  It is very rewarding to have someone say to me “I tried your technique, and it worked!”  I would like to hear from you, so please post a comment.  Specifically, I would like to know what types of communication challenges do you face?  What types of conversations do you dread?  That way, I can post specific tools to address your specific needs.

Click here to view the embedded video.

It is not a huge secret – difficult people are everywhere!  You may work them, you may live with some of them, and you might even feel like you’ve given birth to one or two on occasion!  Successful people realize that you can’t make a difficult person not be difficult.  However, it is possible to use remarkable communication skills to train the difficult person that thier behavior might work with everyone else, it does not work with you.  Here are a few quick reminders for dealing with difficult people. 

1. Remember what gets rewarded gets repeated.  When dealing with a difficult person, bear in mind that they are often using techniques that have worked for them in the past.  Refuse to reward their inappropriate behavior. Don’t take the bait and get sucked into an emotionally charged situation.  Stay calm, stay logical. and deny them the satisfaction of seeing you sweat.  
2. Out of control emotions can make even smart people stupid and difficult people know this.  They will do whatever it takes to unhinge you emotionally so that they have the upper hand.  When you recognize that their emotional intensity is often simply a way to bait you into an emotional interaction, you can more successfully stay rooted in logic and self control.
3. Difficult behaviors are often rooted in low self-esteem or lack of confidence.  And while this doesn’t make their behavior any more palatable or acceptable, this knowledge can allow us to ability to not take things personally.  Additionally, this knowledge may allow you the perspective to  take an “emotional step back” and discover the root cause of the tension or problem and work on solving or addressing the “real” or “core” issue.

If you would like to learn more communication tools for dealing with difficult people, I invite you attend my upcoming teleseminar on January 21, 2010.  Registration details can be found at http://tinyurl.com/yatnkt6 .

In the meantime, watch the quick video to discover a powerful technique called “make the hidden obvious” for dealing with a sniper.  Enjoy and I look forward to sharing more tools on January 27, 2010!