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Assertive Communication – What it Really Takes

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Stephen Covey taught me that “inner victories precede outer victories.” Lately, I’ve been conducting several workshops and teleseminars on assertive communication skills and the truth of Dr. Covey’s notion has really been driven home.  In order to be assertive (not passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive), we must have a strong sense of who we are and what matters most.  It is only with a clear understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities that we can assertively communicate.  Essentially, we need to know on a deep level that some things are worth standing up for and that some things are not.  That way, we can make the choice to use our assertive communication skills (or not.)

Of course, this is easier said than done.  Especially if you were raised to be a “people pleaser” or if you have the habit of putting the needs of others ahead of yours.  It is difficult to communicate in a way that is consistent with what matters most to you if you don’t have a sense of what matters most.  It is hard to stand up for something or assertively communicate your wants and needs if you have not placed a priority on those wants and needs.

If you want to communicate with more confidence, if you want to master the art of assertive communication and reap the rewards of being seem as more capable and credible, I challenge you to spend some quality time figuring out what matters most to you.  I am a big fan of creating and using a personal mission statement.  A personal mission statement is a reflection of what matters most.  It is a written document that articulates your values and priorities.

It is so much easier to assertively communicate when you have a strong sense of “inner victory.”  You will be able to use your assertive communication tools to gain credibility, influence, and respect at work and at home.  If you would like more information on developing your assertive communication skills and developing the pre-requisite of “inner victory” click here .

If you have an example of when you were able to assertively communicate because you had a strong sense of what matters most, I would love to know your story.  Please post a comment.  And, feel free to past this blog post along via Twitter, Facebook, or simply tell a friend.

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Posted in Difficult Conversations, Relationships, communication, life balance on April 9th, 2010 by pamela

Communicate and Minimize the Havoc of Interruptions

By Pamela Jett, CSP

Interruptions happen about seventy-three times a day!  They can eat up more than 2 hours of the work day.  And, the result is a cost to U.S. businesses of an estimated $588 billion a year.

How would you like you and your team to better manage interruptions so that they don™t take such a terrible toll every day?  During Pamela™s informative 60 minute teleseminar learn how to communicate more effectively and either prevent interruptions or minimize the negative impact of interruptions.

  • Discover the key role communication plays in keeping time wasting interruptions at bay.
  • Learn how to let others know that œnow is not a good time without appearing disinterested or uncooperative.
  • Master the œacknowledge and reschedule technique to stay on task while still being a team-player.
  • Enhance your ability to get things done by communicating effectively and manage interruptions with tact and finesse.


Pamela I want to let you know how much we here at the International Monetary Fund enjoyed your teleseminar.  Your presentation was crisp, clear and strong–a real inspiration for how we all need to be communicating! – Paula D., PhD

Learn how to manage interruptions with tact and finesse and watch your productivity soar!  Register for Pamela™s 60 minute teleseminar here (March 8, 2010 noon pacific time.)

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Posted in Professional Development, Uncategorized, communication, life balance on March 2nd, 2010 by pamela

Vision for 2010

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By Pamela Jett, CSP

As promised in my my last blog, I’ve attached a picture of one of my vision boards for 2010.  It has been my practice for several years to create two vision boards; one for my personal life and one for my professional life.  The picture is of my personal vision board.

For 2010 I replaced last year’s theme of “joy, balance, and abundance” with a new theme of “clarity, action, and connection”.  It is my vision that 2010 will be year when I not only have a clear vision of what I want to do, but that I also focus on taking action with the end result being greater connection spiritually, socially, physically, and mentally.

It is not too late to create your own vision of what you want your life to be like in the up-coming year.  Creating a vision board not only helps you discover what you want your life to be like, it serves as a visual reminder all year long. There is no right or wrong way to create a vision board.  Many people use pictures from magazines and create a collage.  Others create a combination of words and pictures.  This year, my vision boards are completely free of pictures and just have key words and phrases arranged in a way that makes sense to me.  They are both hanging prominently in my office as I write this blog.

I would love to see your vision boards or learn what is working for you.  Leave a comment and let me know what your vision is for 2010.  I wish all my readers a very happy and prosperous new year!

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Posted in Professional Development, goal setting, life balance on January 4th, 2010 by pamela

2010 – RESOLVED!

By Pamela Jett, CSP

It’s that time of year again.  The time when most of us, myself included, engage in introspection, goal-setting, and making resolutions for the new year.  As I was watching the morning news today I noticed there were numerous segments focusing on creating a better physical self in 2010.  And while losing weight, getting in shape, and improving nutrition are certainly worthwhile goals (they are part of my vision for 2010), I also believe it is worthwhile to focus on the other parts of ourselves, specifically our heart and head.

So, while I certainly want to drop a few of the pounds I somehow managed to gather in 2009 (OK, it’s not a big mystery – I didn’t move enough to counter the calories), I also want to work on dropping some of the emotional weight I accumulated.  I am spending some time this week examining my heart to determine if there is any guilt, fear, or anger that might be weighing me down that I can process through and eliminate in 2010.

Just as many people resolve to begin more healthy habits such as healthier eating and a fitness regime, I want to examine my mental habits.  Where am I spending my time?  Am I engaging in any counter-productive habits (too much watching silly television shows when I could be feeding my brain interesting and useful information for example?) Are there time-wasting behaviors I can eliminate just like many of us eliminate junk food?  Can I replace these habits with new more mind-healthy behaviors?  Who am I spending my time with?  Are they people from whom I can learn and grow?  These are the types of questions I am asking myself this week.

What about you?  As you resolve to be a better version of yourself in 2010, I challenge you to not only focus on your physical self, but to focus on your “whole self”.  Look for ways to grow and improve physically, mentally, spiritually.  Once you have clarity on what you want to achieve, you can use the tried and true goal-setting techniques and vision board approaches.

I’ll spend this week in introspection and then I will create my vision boards for 2010.  I’ll blog about that process soon and post pictures as well.

I would love to know what heart and head resolutions you are making this new year.  Leave a comment and let me know.  Here’s to an abundant and prosperous 2010!

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Posted in Professional Development, goal setting, life balance on December 29th, 2009 by pamela

Are You Suffering From B.S.O. Syndrome?

By Pamela Jett

Just in case you are wondering, I made it up. Despite that fact, you might still be suffering from B.S.O. Syndrome, otherwise known as “Bright Shiny Object” Syndrome. I know that I suffer from it on a somewhat regular basis. If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you too, might find that B.S.O. Syndrome is impacting your success.

Did you set goals, make resolutions, or create a vision board for 2009 only to find yourself two weeks later (and yes, it has only been two weeks) no further along than when you started?

Do you have a few “unpleasant tasks” that you keep putting off in favor of doing something else? By the way, most of the time the “something else” is something we can justify.

Do you often reach the end of the day and wonder where the time went and why you don’t feel a great sense of accomplishment?

Are you easily distracted by things that are fun or enjoyable? (the bright shiny object)

Do you engage in any “compulsive” type behavior? (like constantly checking e-mail, or surfing the net with no real purpose)

If you answered “yes” to even one of the above questions, you just might be suffering from a bit of “B.S.O. Syndrome”. When we are easily distracted from those things that will lead to our success by things that are appealing or fun, our productivity can suffer. Now, of course, I am all in favor of having fun and enjoying a few bright, shiny objects from time to time. However, that comes with a price and when the price is too great, it is time to focus. Here are a few focus tips to help overcome B.S.O. Syndrome in 2009.

1. Post your goals or vision boards where you see them regularly. This serves as a visual reminder of what matters most to you.

2. Ask yourself is making this decision moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?

3. Ask yourself what do I want and what am I willing to give up to get it?

4. Declare yourself publicly. Let a few trusted people know what you are trying to accomplish and have them help hold you accountable.

5. Be gentle on yourself. The way we communicate to ourselves is very powerful. If you beat yourself up or are extremely hard on yourself for not accomplishing things as quickly as you would like or with the amazing results you wanted, you only serve to discourage yourself from moving forward. Essentially, you are saying to yourself that whatever success you had wasn’t good enough, so why bother trying. Be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. If you have a day where you lose focus, try to be better the next day. Don’t beat yourself up. I am currently working with a business coach on a few issues and every session starts with a re-cap of what I’ve accomplished since my last session. I’ve learned that I am pretty hard on myself and one of the wonderful “ah-has” I’ve experienced is that it is OK to not always be going as hard or as fast as I would like and that any movement forward is a reason to smile. Success builds on success. Be gentle on yourself.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who teaches remarkable communication skills for remarkable results to professionals worldwide. She can be reached at http://www.jettct.com/. Many of her remarkable tools are available on audio cd and can be found at the success store at http://www.jettct.com/. If you would like to bring Pamela to your organization to share her remarkable communication tools, call Aimee at 866.726.5388. And, of course, you can reach Pamela directly at Pamela@JettCT.com.

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Posted in communication, goal setting, life balance on January 16th, 2009 by pamela

What’s Your 2009 Vision?

By Pamela Jett


If you were to look at the floor of my office over the last few days you would see evidence of my New Year’s ritual, creating vision boards. For the last several years I have not made any resolutions or set goals. Instead I have created two vision boards. One is for my personal life and the other is for my professional life.

Vision boards are a visual representation of the life I want to lead in the up-coming year. I just e-mailed a picture of my completed vision boards to a good friend. He promptly e-mailed me back and expressed a bit of surprise because my vision boards are not made with a lot of magazine pictures. Most people use magazine or other pictures to create some sort of collage. I believe that is a valid way of creating a vision board and I know many successful people who have that as their approach. I take a slightly diffferent approach.

I don™t really use a lot of pictures because my œvision is not really about œthings like cars, houses, etc¦ (although those things are nice and worthy of visualization). My vision is more about how I want my lifeBold to unfold during the year. For example, one of the things that I envision for 2009 is to continue to lead a life full of meaningful relationships. So, I have words and phrases on my vision board to support those relationships. Also represented are things I want to do more of like dancing, finding new venues to hear live music, and travel to some specific locations such as Spain. They are on my board because they are related to one of my priorities which is discovering joy. I also have a few commitments to health and fitness represented because that is part of living a balanced life. Every year I have a theme for the year. This year’s theme is the same as last year’s theme (I liked it so much that I’m not ready to make a change.) My theme for 2009 is Discover Joy, Practice Balance, Live in Abundance. So, there are large scale action items such as “say yes” on my vision board.

You can see a picture of this year’s vision board here. I thought I would share it in hopes of inspiring you to create your own vision board. Make it your own, use your creativity, use pictures if that works for you, and post your board where you can see it every day. Mine is in my office. I’ve been using vision boards of some sort or another for about 10 years. It is a practice that helps keep me focused on what I want and, the great news is, when I look back on the past several years, much of my “vision” has come to fruition. Happy New Year!

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Posted in goal setting, life balance on January 4th, 2009 by pamela

The Core of Communication Confidence

by Pamela Jett

In my last post I talked about how important balance is for communication success. When we are out of balance in any area of our lives, it can make it very difficult to use the good communication skills most of us do indeed posses. Sometimes, regardless of how well balanced we are, life can throw us a few curves that can threaten to throw us off balance and impact our ability to communicate with confidence. It is at times like these that we must access our “core” in order to have successful communication (and successful relationships) during challenging times.

As many of my regular readers and clients know, I work with a personal trainer several times a week. Her name is Amber and she is terrific! One of the things we do on a regular basis are a series of “balance activities”. For example, I will be holding weights (sometimes very heavy ones from my point of view, but not hers!) and then required to step up on a weight bench, balance on one leg, press the weights over my head, lower them, and return to the floor. Remember, this is all while standing on one leg! The only way I can stay up-right during this off balance activity is to tighten (or access) my core, those muscles located in my abdomen and lower back.

Not long ago I was working with clients and I realized that these “balance activities” where I have to access my core are parallel to what life is like for many of us on a regular basis. There are times that no matter how well we try to stay balanced, something will cause us to be off balance. Additionally, most, if not all, of us carry some heavy weights (burdens, responsibilities) on a regular basis. When we are thrown off balance by circumstances, events, someones behavior, a change in the organizational environment (or any of the other challenges life throws at us), most of us still need to be productive. We still need to effectively manage the weights that we carry.

It is at times like these that we must access our “personal core”. Our “personal cores” are our values, our character, our inner strength that comes from our personal belief system. The challenging thing for many professionals is that we spend so much of our time dealing with our “weights” that we rarely take the time to ask ourselves the important questions such as “what matters most to me?” or “is this activity moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become” or ” what do I want people to say about me when I am gone – what is the legacy I want leave?” These are the “big questions” of life. How we answer these questions typically reflects our highest priorities – our core.

It can be challenging to stay effective, to communicate effectively, when we are managing a heavy burden (weights). It can be even more challenging when life throws us off balance. It is during those heavily burdened, off balance times that our core matters. What is at your core? When we know who we are from the inside out, it is easier to communicate with confidence. We can say no and not feel guilty because we are engaging in behavior consistent with our values and beliefs. We can have the difficult conversations with others who may be engaged in inappropriate behavior because we value ourselves enough not to be doormats, the examples are endless.

I encourage you to find your core. Access it when times are tough. Ask yourself “is my communication moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?”

For more information on communicating with confidence visit me, Pamela, at http://www.jettct.com/. If you have a success story about a time when you accessed your core for communication confidence, I would love for you to drop me a message at Pamela@jettct.com.

We also have exciting news! On July 9th I will be hosting a powerful teleseminar on providing exceptional customer service during tough economic times. This program will focus on the words and phrases front line service providers ought to use (and those “kiss of death” words and phrases to avoid – some will surprise you) to keep customers thrilled. It is not too late to register. Visit https://my.confertel.net/confertel/crsNewRegister.jsp?program=450002 to register.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website http://www.jettct.com/ .

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Posted in Difficult Conversations, Relationships, communication, life balance, stress managment on July 7th, 2008 by pamela

Balance for Better Communication

By Pamela Jett

The other day I was working with clients and we were discussing how when we are “out of balance” emotionally (such as being angry), spiritually (such as being burnt out), physically (such as not getting good nutrition, rest and exercise) and mentally (not learning new things regularly to enhance career success), it is very difficult to use the good communication skills that we do indeed possess.

For example, if you are tired and feeling a bit overworked or under appreciated, it might be difficult to say “no” with tact and finesse to a colleague who requests that you help them with their project. (for more on how to say no with tact and finesse, check this blog’s archives and visit www.JettCT.com for resources) Under more “balanced” circumstances, you might be able to easily access the good communication skills you posses. However, when we are “out of balance”, we are more likely to say things we regret. Below are a few quick tips to help you maintain “balance” for better communication.

1. Remember that out of control emotions can make even smart people stupid. We want to be the master of our emotions and not let our emotions be the master of us. How do we do that? By using smart self talk during emotionally charged situations. By that I mean, when you are experiencing intense (and sometimes counter-productive emotions) you can move yourself out of your “emotional processing center” of the brain and into the “logical processing center” of the brain by engaging in smart self-talk such as trying to think of the names of the seven drawfs or doing sophisticated math in your head. By consciously over-riding your emotional processing center and accessing you logical processing center you are far more likely to choose your responses and words wisely in emotionally charged situations.

2. Remember to take time to “feed your soul”. It is very difficult in our current culture of be more, do more, have more to take time to relax and “feed your soul”. However, taking time in our regular schedule to do things that bring us joy can help us be more balanced. For example, many people take time for a hobby, or to read for pleasure, or to spend time with family and friends, listen to music, garden, the list of possibilities is endless. A balanced person takes time for themselves and spends time in joyful pursuits.

3. Value yourself enough to take care of yourself. This means the simple things like getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night, eating your breakfast, finding time for exercise. While we all know how to take care of ourselves, we often put ourselves last, taking care of everyone and everything else before we take care of ourselves. The flight attendants have it right when they say “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting those around you”. An empty well gives no drink. Take the time to take care of yourself and you will find that it is easier to use the good communication skills you do indeed possess.

4. Get new “brain wrinkles” regularly. Did you know that when you learn something new you get a literal “wrinkle” in your brain? The matter in your head creates connections called neuro-pathways and they are like small wrinkles in our brains. The balanced individual takes time to learn new things regularly for their personal and professional development. They know that “knowledge is power”, so they make a commitment to invest in themselves. Benjamin Franklin said “empty your pockets to feed your mind and your mind will feed your pockets.” Powerful. I am convinced that people who are dedicated to learning new skills (even when it means investing thier own resources to do so) in all areas of their lives are better communicators because they simply have more options to choose from. I applaud the readers of this blog. The purpose of this blog is to provide those new skills, the new “brain wrinkles” so that my readers can experience more communication success.

If you would like more ways to “wrinkle your brain”, visit www.JettCT.com. If you have a suggestion or there is a skill set you would like this blog to address, drop a note to Pamela@jettct.com.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com

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Posted in Professional Development, anger management, communication, life balance, stress managment on June 20th, 2008 by pamela