by communication skills expert Pamela Jett, CSP

We’ve all been given the advice to give our bring our leadership solutions, not problems.  And yet, it can sometimes be difficult to communicate those solutions in a polished, professional way.  Here is a simple 3 step process anyone can use at any level to communicate solutions in a powerful way.

1.  Situation – Succinctly and clearly describe the current situation or problem.  It’s not necessary to go into too much detail – a simple overview or a definitive statement will do.

2.  Solution - Describe your proposed solution to the situation.  Use powerful words such as “solution,” “plan,” or “answer” and again, keep it brief.

3.  Support – Ask a closing question designed to get their support such as “do I have your support on this?”

When we use this simple 3 step process, we are communicating with clarity, brevity, and impact.

Please post a comment and share this blog with others.  Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that “Words Matter.”  Find her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, connect on Linked In and sign up for her “Brain Wrinkle” on this website.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

I’ve long suspected the research would bear this truth out – good communication is one of, if not the, most important skills sets professionals can possess.  Now, the research results are in and it’s official!

I recently surveyed hundreds of professionals about the importance and power of communication.  Here are a few of the most interesting results:

• 41% of respondents indicated that communication is the most important skill set in the workplace.
• 50% of respondents indicated that communication is an extremely important skill set in the workplace.

When those in leadership positions were asked what type of communication skills they would most like to see their employees improve the top answers were:

1. The ability to deal more effectively with difficult people
2. The ability to handle conflict and confrontation
3. The ability to communicate with emotional intelligence.

What are you doing to improve your communication skills in these areas?  Are you consistently looking for new tools and techniques for dealing with difficult people?  Are you working to gain more emotional intelligence so that that you can handle conflict and confrontation with tact and finesse?

Communication is the most important skill set we possess.  I invite you to work consistently to build your communication skills and reap the rewards in your professional life.

What do you think about the importance of communication?  Leave a comment on this blog and watch for more survey results coming soon.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

The deepest need of the human soul is to be understood.

I believe this to be true and it is especially true during conflict and confrontation or emotionally charged situations.  We are looking for others to “get it” or to understand what we are feeling.  And, when we don’t feel understood it can lead to genuine frustration, damaged relationships, and increased conflict.

While we can’t make people better listeners and we can’t improve the empathy skills of others, we can do one simple thing that will increase the likelihood that we will be more fully understood during emotional conversation.  We can build our emotional vocabularies.

I believe that many of us are walking around with fairly limited emotional vocabularies.  We feel rich, complex, and diverse emotions, but we tend to rely on the same limited number of words to express those feelings.  For example, when we are feeling confused and frustrated by another’s behavior we often simply say we are “angry.”  Or, when we are feeling lonely and under-appreciated we might simply say we are feeling “sad.”  Or, when we are feeling overwhelmed and out of control we might resort to labeling that complex state as simply being “stressed.”

Is it any wonder that we don’t feel understood when we are oversimplifying our emotional states?  If you are looking for others to better understand what you are feeling, get better at accurately expressing those feelings.  Build your emotional vocabulary.

When you more accurately describe your internal state, you will likely receive a more on target or “understanding” response from others.  While this doesn’t solve all the challenges during emotional conversations, it can help us each feel more understood and that is a great place to start!

by Pamela Jett, CSP

“What was she thinking?”

“Doesn’t he know that’s not how we do things around here?”

“He ought to know better.”

“I should not have to explain this to her.”

If you are a leader, you might often think these things in response to employee behavior.  Sometimes, it seems as if employees are intentionally engaging in behavior that seems lacking in good judgement or common sense.  It can be frustrating when employees seem to flaunt the unspoken behavioral norms or rules in organizations.  We think they ought to know better.

My advice to leaders who experience this frustration is to remember that:

Not Everyone Was Raised at Your House!

While some things may just seem to be simple commons sense to you, perhaps they were not raised with the same example of smart decision making as you were.  Things that seem obvious to you might not be so obvious to them because they haven’t had the same experiences as you.  Quite simply,  not everyone was raised at your house.

Given that “common sense” isn’t exactly common and that some people simply don’t follow the “cultural norms” or the “unspoken rules” within your organization, what can you as a leader do to help them improve an employee’s performance in these areas?

First, remember that not all people are as adept at reading social signals and picking up on norms as others.  They require clear communication of expectations even if you think “I really shouldn’t have to tell them this.” Or, “they ought to have figured this out by now.”

Second, provide clear communication about social norms or “unwritten rules.”  Do so in a positive fashion.  For example:

I want to keep you in the loop.  Most successful people in this organization choose to not discuss politics with their peers during work hours.

Or,

As your supervisor, I thought I would give you the inside scoop.  Even though our dress code is “business casual”, when executive leadership visits our site, most people opt to dress a bit more formal.

Or,

I wanted to give you a heads up.  Even though it is not spelled out in the employee handbook, sending lots of text messages are frowned upon in this organization.

Once you’ve clearly  and positively communicated your expectations or the “unwritten rules” it is then easier to coach people to success or to hold them accountable, even for the “unwritten rules.”

If you have ideas or suggestions on how to hold people accountable for the “unwritten rules” or “norms”, I would love your comments.

]]> http://www.jettct.com/blog/communicate-expectations-for-performance-improvement/feed/ 0 http://www.jettct.com/blog/assertive-communication-what-it-really-takes/ http://www.jettct.com/blog/assertive-communication-what-it-really-takes/#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2010 18:05:53 +0000 pamela http://www.jettct.com/blog/?p=123

by Pamela Jett, CSP

Stephen Covey taught me that “inner victories precede outer victories.” Lately, I’ve been conducting several workshops and teleseminars on assertive communication skills and the truth of Dr. Covey’s notion has really been driven home.  In order to be assertive (not passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive), we must have a strong sense of who we are and what matters most.  It is only with a clear understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities that we can assertively communicate.  Essentially, we need to know on a deep level that some things are worth standing up for and that some things are not.  That way, we can make the choice to use our assertive communication skills (or not.)

Of course, this is easier said than done.  Especially if you were raised to be a “people pleaser” or if you have the habit of putting the needs of others ahead of yours.  It is difficult to communicate in a way that is consistent with what matters most to you if you don’t have a sense of what matters most.  It is hard to stand up for something or assertively communicate your wants and needs if you have not placed a priority on those wants and needs.

If you want to communicate with more confidence, if you want to master the art of assertive communication and reap the rewards of being seem as more capable and credible, I challenge you to spend some quality time figuring out what matters most to you.  I am a big fan of creating and using a personal mission statement.  A personal mission statement is a reflection of what matters most.  It is a written document that articulates your values and priorities.

It is so much easier to assertively communicate when you have a strong sense of “inner victory.”  You will be able to use your assertive communication tools to gain credibility, influence, and respect at work and at home.  If you would like more information on developing your assertive communication skills and developing the pre-requisite of “inner victory” click here .

If you have an example of when you were able to assertively communicate because you had a strong sense of what matters most, I would love to know your story.  Please post a comment.  And, feel free to past this blog post along via Twitter, Facebook, or simply tell a friend.

By Pamela Jett, CSP

I confess.  I spend time on Facebook.  I have found it a great place to connect with old friends.  In fact, just yesterday I connected with a college friend who now plays Big Mike on Chuck.  I’ve connected with friends from elementary school, old roommates, and even a few relatives I didn’t really know about!  I also love that Facebook allows me to see what my friends and colleagues are up to and to offer support and encouragement.  It’s great fun to look at photos, old and new (what’s up with the 80″s hairstyles???) and to see pictures of kids and spouses.

One thing that always makes me smile is the “relationship status”.  One of the options is “it’s complicated” and I was thinking the other day that all the status options ought to have “it’s complicated”. I’m single and I know that “it’s complicated.”  Married people will attest –  ”it’s complicated.”  In fact, all relationships, both personal and professional, are complicated.

The way we manage, maintain, and build our relationships is through communication.  Communication is really the “stuff” that relationships are made of.  Not only what we say, but what we do, how we spend our time, the people we associate with,  it all communicates something.  And frankly, communication isn’t always easy.  We say things we regret, we don’t phrase things right and others get offended, we say too much, we say too little, we say the right thing, but at the wrong time, we misunderstand one another – bottom line –  It’s complicated.

Why are relationships and communication so complicated?  Well, the answer is… you guessed it… it’s complicated!  However, one simple tool to help manage that complication is to remember that past experiences shape our perceptions of current experiences.  So, since everyone has had a different life history, the world really is a different place to different people.

Remembering that we all see the world differently doesn’t make communication easy, but it can help us to be more patient when miscommunication occurs.  It can aid us in choosing our words wisely because we know that people attach their own unique meaning to words and we want to take their experience (their reality) into account.  This knowledge can help us communicate more effectively because we understand where the other person is coming from, or at least that they are coming from a place somewhat different than we are.

Relationships and communication – it’s complicated.  By acknowledging that it’s complicated, we are better able to use communication, our most important tool, to build stronger and more meaningful relationships with friends, family, colleagues and management.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

I read in today’s edition of the Harvard Business Review’s on-line management tip of the day that it is vitally important for leaders and managers to let employees make mistakes.  I would agree.  It is often wise to step-in and correct an employee before a mistake is made, especially if it will be a large or costly error.  However, it is also often wise to step back and allow an employee to make a mistake and then coach them on the back end on how to either fix it or do better in the future.

By allowing employees the freedom to learn from their mistakes, leaders are not only contributing to an employee’s sense of personal responsibility and success, they are also improving employee engagement.  It is a well known fact that people like their own ideas the most and will be committed and engaged in implementing solutions or ideas that they help create.

So how can a leader or manager use remarkable communication to coach an employee after a mistake has been made?  One way is to make sure you communicate in the positive, not the negative.  Sometimes as leaders we are so busy telling people what not to do that we forget to tell them what right looks like.  Monitor your use of the word “don’t” and make a concerted effort to “ditch the don’t” and communicate in the positive, not the negative.  Share with employees what you would like them to do next time.  Better yet, ask them what they think they ought to do next time.  You will enhance employee engagement by asking employees (or your children if you are being a leader at home) for their input.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Help your employees, your children, your colleagues, and even yourself learn from mistakes.  Use remarkable communication to help them learn and you will see commitment and employee engagement soar!

How has communicating in the positive helped you?  Leave a comment and share your success story!

By Pamela Jett, CSP

As a communication skills expert, I am often asked what exactly does a communication skills speaker do?   The answer is fairly simple, I work with individuals, organizations, teams, associations, and groups to improve their productivity by improving communication.  I am fond of reminding people that “communication is like a thread which runs through a pearl necklace.  It is invisible.  Yet without it, everything would fall apart.”  I firmly believe that communication is the most important skill set any professional possesses.  Good communication (or poor communication) can make or break a career, a team, a family.  Most professionals agree that about 80% of problems at work result from poor communication and most individuals will admit that poor communication is the root cause of many relationship breakdowns.  We all know that communication matters!

However, while most of us are aware that good communication is vital to success, many of us choose to learn our communication skills through trial and error.  Essentially, we are enrolled in the “school of hard knocks” when it comes to improving our communication abilities.  And the “school of hard knocks” comes with a pretty hefty tuition bill:  lost credibility, damaged relationships, lost opportunities, and team dysfunction.  Savvy people recognize that while the “school of hard knocks” is a valid way to learn, it can be painful and they prefer to learn from the knowledge and expertise of others.  As a communication skills speaker, I provide an alternative to learning the hard way.

With workshops, training, keynote addresses, executive coaching, teleseminars, audio CDs and other delivery mechanisms, I teach individuals powerful tools for communication success.  I believe that “words matter” and that the words you choose to use and the words you choose to lose can make all the difference.  For example, I teach my clients to stop saying “don’t forget” and to start saying “please remember”.  You can read other blog posts here for more examples of the specific tools and techniques that I share.  I provide professionals with specific language patterns and templates they can use to communicate effectively in some of the most challenging situations.  With a focus on practical application (as opposed to theory – because while interesting, theory really doesn’t yield results), I provide individuals, teams, and leaders with the words to use so that we no longer lay awake at night wondering “how do I deal with that?”  or “what do I say”.

I enjoy being a communication skills speaker immensely.  It is very rewarding to have someone say to me “I tried your technique, and it worked!”  I would like to hear from you, so please post a comment.  Specifically, I would like to know what types of communication challenges do you face?  What types of conversations do you dread?  That way, I can post specific tools to address your specific needs.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

by Pamela Jett

Difficult people are everywhere. There are exploders, snipers, steamrollers, and chronic complainers in our personal lives and in our professional lives. While it might be possible in our personal lives to avoid difficult people to a degree, it is virtually impossible to do so at work. To make things even more challenging, we cannot make a difficult person not be difficult. Difficult people are difficult because it is working for them. What we can do is train the difficult person that while their difficult behavior might be working with others, it does not work with us. Training a difficult person how to treat you requires some remarkable communication techniques.

One of the most effective techniques is to do the unexpected. Difficult people are used to others responding to them in a predictable fashion. For example, when an exploder explodes or yells he or she is accustomed to having others yell back. They are also used to having others cry, become defensive, or cave in. What they are not expecting is for you to stay calm and to agree with them. The savvy communicator will look for something to agree with in the exploder™s tirade. The vast majority of exploders are what we would call œreasonable or œrational exploders which mean they are exploding about something that it is reasonable or rational to become upset over. The challenge for the exploder is how they choose to express their upset. They might scream or yell that a mistake has been made on their account. The savvy communicator would stay calm and say something such as œyou are right – this is a serious error and we need to talk about it. This can catch them off guard and often causes them to settle down and behave in a more emotionally mature fashion.

Another remarkable technique is to use boundary statements. Boundary statements let the difficult person know that you are not going to engage with them if they continue to communicate in an abusive or bullying fashion. For example, if you are dealing with a hothead you might opt to say œthis is important and I want to talk about it, just not this way. You might need to repeat this statement a few times. However, by doing so you are sending a clear message that you are not going to engage with them until they are more civil.

You can also use boundary statements to deal with a steamroller. The classic example of a steamroller is a two year old in the store who demands a cookie over and over and over again and simply will not take no for an answer. Their goal is to wear the adult out so that they get their way. Some people never outgrow this tendency and they are steamrollers as adults and they push and push and push. The goal with a steamroller is to train them that you don™t change your mind simply because they want to outlast you. A useful boundary statement to master is œI see it differently – tell me more if you like. Of course, a steamroller will tell you more. However, if you consistently tell them you œsee it differently they will eventually understand that while their steamrolling tactics work with others, they don™t work with you.

One of my favorite remarkable techniques is to make the hidden obvious. This technique is most useful when dealing with a sniper. A sniper is the kind of person who likes to take œpot-shots or make snide or clever œdigs. Most of the time they take their pot-shots in public because they assume you will not have the courage to defy social convention and call them on their inappropriate comments in public. A crucial step in dealing with them is to be willing to call them on their behavior (a form of doing the unexpected) by making the hidden obvious. Here are a few examples:

Wow, I thought I heard an insult in what you just said. Did you mean it that way?

Oh, comments like that sound like you are criticizing my idea. Is that what you intended?

It sounds like you are trying to embarrass me in front of our peers. You™re not doing that are you?

Making the hidden obvious is a two-step process. The first step is to take their hidden agenda and bring it right out in the open. So, if you think they are trying to embarrass you that is what you bring out. The second step is to ask a yes or no question so that you put them in the position of confirming or denying your perception. The good news is the vast majority of snipers will back-peddle and deny. And although you™ve not had them admit to their inappropriate behavior, that is fine. Because now they know that you are not afraid to call them on their inappropriate behavior and they will think twice about being a sniper with you again. You will have successfully trained them how to treat you.

Probing questions are also remarkably useful – particularly when dealing with a chronic complainer. Chronic complainers are often simply looking for someone to reward them by commiserating with them. Instead of commiserating, try saying œI can tell this really bothers you. What do you think ought to be done about it? Or, œThat is frustrating. What is your plan for dealing with it? These are often questions they can™t answer. And, if every time they come to you for commiseration you ask them how to solve the problem, they will soon see coming to you as work and they will stop coming to you. Or, and this is even better, they just might come up with a solution and they will have transformed from a chronic complainer to a problem solver.

Difficult people are everywhere, sometimes even in the next cube. It is not possible to make the difficult person not be difficult. What we can do is use remarkable communication techniques to train the difficult person that while their difficult behavior may be rewarded by others, it will not be rewarded by us.

Pamela Jett is a communucation skills expert, speaker, and author. For other great communication tools visit www.Jettct.com.