by Pamela Jett, CSP

I’ve long suspected the research would bear this truth out – good communication is one of, if not the, most important skills sets professionals can possess.  Now, the research results are in and it’s official!

I recently surveyed hundreds of professionals about the importance and power of communication.  Here are a few of the most interesting results:

• 41% of respondents indicated that communication is the most important skill set in the workplace.
• 50% of respondents indicated that communication is an extremely important skill set in the workplace.

When those in leadership positions were asked what type of communication skills they would most like to see their employees improve the top answers were:

1. The ability to deal more effectively with difficult people
2. The ability to handle conflict and confrontation
3. The ability to communicate with emotional intelligence.

What are you doing to improve your communication skills in these areas?  Are you consistently looking for new tools and techniques for dealing with difficult people?  Are you working to gain more emotional intelligence so that that you can handle conflict and confrontation with tact and finesse?

Communication is the most important skill set we possess.  I invite you to work consistently to build your communication skills and reap the rewards in your professional life.

What do you think about the importance of communication?  Leave a comment on this blog and watch for more survey results coming soon.

by Pamela Jett, CSP

The deepest need of the human soul is to be understood.

I believe this to be true and it is especially true during conflict and confrontation or emotionally charged situations.  We are looking for others to “get it” or to understand what we are feeling.  And, when we don’t feel understood it can lead to genuine frustration, damaged relationships, and increased conflict.

While we can’t make people better listeners and we can’t improve the empathy skills of others, we can do one simple thing that will increase the likelihood that we will be more fully understood during emotional conversation.  We can build our emotional vocabularies.

I believe that many of us are walking around with fairly limited emotional vocabularies.  We feel rich, complex, and diverse emotions, but we tend to rely on the same limited number of words to express those feelings.  For example, when we are feeling confused and frustrated by another’s behavior we often simply say we are “angry.”  Or, when we are feeling lonely and under-appreciated we might simply say we are feeling “sad.”  Or, when we are feeling overwhelmed and out of control we might resort to labeling that complex state as simply being “stressed.”

Is it any wonder that we don’t feel understood when we are oversimplifying our emotional states?  If you are looking for others to better understand what you are feeling, get better at accurately expressing those feelings.  Build your emotional vocabulary.

When you more accurately describe your internal state, you will likely receive a more on target or “understanding” response from others.  While this doesn’t solve all the challenges during emotional conversations, it can help us each feel more understood and that is a great place to start!

By Pamela Jett

The other day I was working with clients and we were discussing how when we are “out of balance” emotionally (such as being angry), spiritually (such as being burnt out), physically (such as not getting good nutrition, rest and exercise) and mentally (not learning new things regularly to enhance career success), it is very difficult to use the good communication skills that we do indeed possess.

For example, if you are tired and feeling a bit overworked or under appreciated, it might be difficult to say “no” with tact and finesse to a colleague who requests that you help them with their project. (for more on how to say no with tact and finesse, check this blog’s archives and visit www.JettCT.com for resources) Under more “balanced” circumstances, you might be able to easily access the good communication skills you posses. However, when we are “out of balance”, we are more likely to say things we regret. Below are a few quick tips to help you maintain “balance” for better communication.

1. Remember that out of control emotions can make even smart people stupid. We want to be the master of our emotions and not let our emotions be the master of us. How do we do that? By using smart self talk during emotionally charged situations. By that I mean, when you are experiencing intense (and sometimes counter-productive emotions) you can move yourself out of your “emotional processing center” of the brain and into the “logical processing center” of the brain by engaging in smart self-talk such as trying to think of the names of the seven drawfs or doing sophisticated math in your head. By consciously over-riding your emotional processing center and accessing you logical processing center you are far more likely to choose your responses and words wisely in emotionally charged situations.

2. Remember to take time to “feed your soul”. It is very difficult in our current culture of be more, do more, have more to take time to relax and “feed your soul”. However, taking time in our regular schedule to do things that bring us joy can help us be more balanced. For example, many people take time for a hobby, or to read for pleasure, or to spend time with family and friends, listen to music, garden, the list of possibilities is endless. A balanced person takes time for themselves and spends time in joyful pursuits.

3. Value yourself enough to take care of yourself. This means the simple things like getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night, eating your breakfast, finding time for exercise. While we all know how to take care of ourselves, we often put ourselves last, taking care of everyone and everything else before we take care of ourselves. The flight attendants have it right when they say “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting those around you”. An empty well gives no drink. Take the time to take care of yourself and you will find that it is easier to use the good communication skills you do indeed possess.

4. Get new “brain wrinkles” regularly. Did you know that when you learn something new you get a literal “wrinkle” in your brain? The matter in your head creates connections called neuro-pathways and they are like small wrinkles in our brains. The balanced individual takes time to learn new things regularly for their personal and professional development. They know that “knowledge is power”, so they make a commitment to invest in themselves. Benjamin Franklin said “empty your pockets to feed your mind and your mind will feed your pockets.” Powerful. I am convinced that people who are dedicated to learning new skills (even when it means investing thier own resources to do so) in all areas of their lives are better communicators because they simply have more options to choose from. I applaud the readers of this blog. The purpose of this blog is to provide those new skills, the new “brain wrinkles” so that my readers can experience more communication success.

If you would like more ways to “wrinkle your brain”, visit www.JettCT.com. If you have a suggestion or there is a skill set you would like this blog to address, drop a note to Pamela@jettct.com.

Pamela Jett is a communication skills expert who believes that words matter. She works with organizations, associations and individuals who want to improve their communication skills for business and personal success. She can be reached toll free at 866.726.5388 or at her website www.JettCT.com