by Pamela Jett, CSP
Stephen Covey taught me that “inner victories precede outer victories.” Lately, I’ve been conducting several workshops and teleseminars on assertive communication skills and the truth of Dr. Covey’s notion has really been driven home. In order to be assertive (not passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive), we must have a strong sense of who we are and what matters most. It is only with a clear understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities that we can assertively communicate. Essentially, we need to know on a deep level that some things are worth standing up for and that some things are not. That way, we can make the choice to use our assertive communication skills (or not.)
Of course, this is easier said than done. Especially if you were raised to be a “people pleaser” or if you have the habit of putting the needs of others ahead of yours. It is difficult to communicate in a way that is consistent with what matters most to you if you don’t have a sense of what matters most. It is hard to stand up for something or assertively communicate your wants and needs if you have not placed a priority on those wants and needs.
If you want to communicate with more confidence, if you want to master the art of assertive communication and reap the rewards of being seem as more capable and credible, I challenge you to spend some quality time figuring out what matters most to you. I am a big fan of creating and using a personal mission statement. A personal mission statement is a reflection of what matters most. It is a written document that articulates your values and priorities.
It is so much easier to assertively communicate when you have a strong sense of “inner victory.” You will be able to use your assertive communication tools to gain credibility, influence, and respect at work and at home. If you would like more information on developing your assertive communication skills and developing the pre-requisite of “inner victory” click here .
If you have an example of when you were able to assertively communicate because you had a strong sense of what matters most, I would love to know your story. Please post a comment. And, feel free to past this blog post along via Twitter, Facebook, or simply tell a friend.
Tags: communication
